Fear In My Garden

Today I address fear and the way I deal with it. While I have done many courageous acts in my days, I still have fear. I faced it, I conquered it. Or have I? Today, I have been observing the number of times fear enters my mind. I wasn’t even aware how often this was. Instead of facing it, I have been avoiding it.

I avoid it by going to get another snack. I avoid it by allowing myself to be completely distracted by something else that catches my eye. You see, I don’t have to make that call because this other piece of paper is calling for my attention so I’ll work on that instead. I have fear I will make a mistake, so I don’t start. I fear if I balance my accounts I will see how much money I don’t have. I fear you won’t like, so I won’t ask you to use my services. I fear being angry that the phone will break my concentration so I won’t start that thoughtful project.

All this fear is holding me back in little ways which pile up and become big blocks to success. I read a meditation today which asked me to silently enter my metaphysical garden and begin pulling the weeds of fear. Wow, there were quite a few. The message I heard clearly was to pull the energy of fear instead of trying to name its cause. The causes are many. The causes all have the same message – that fear is real and I should be afraid. Ahhh, but fear isn’t real you say because there is nothing to fear. While this may be true to my intellect, my experience tells me that the feeling of fear is very real and I have been avoiding it far too much of late.

And so; as I notice the multiple times I go into fear today, instead of allowing myself to be distracted I will stop to feel this fear and stay the course anyway. Now that is courage. I have done this before as shown by the courageous and gutsy moves I have made in the past. Big things like my first divorce and quitting my job before my partner had found one. Things like moving across the continent in response to Spirit’s call without really knowing if I would like the place and opening a 3 room office instead of just renting a single space for my business. I overcame and conquered fear each of those times and countless others. I can do it again on a smaller scale by reminding myself that the only way out is through, not avoidance.

So here is to welcoming the coming year of 2015 with a new awareness about fear and the ways it continues to keep me from being all I can be. Goodbye fear. I have learned to acknowledge you and let you go in the big things of my life. I now bid you farewell in the small things. You have been a true friend and ally. For that, I bless you and thank you. And isn’t it funny, I know you will be there anytime I really need you, keeping me safe from harm. But I also have an image of you being happy to see me letting you go. In all things balance and equilibrium. Ebb and flow. The cycles of life. The wheel keeps spinning. I choose to move away from a fearful existence in big and small ways so I can experience more freedom and lightness. I commit to being more mindful in 2015 of the ways I experience fear. For one thing is certain about the visual exercise of using a garden; the weeds will come back if I am not mindful.

When is the last time you weeded your garden?

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